I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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