my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I want to fling myself into the sun
Randomize
