he wants to bone in the snuggie
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
