he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
