By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
She even gives head with a lisp.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
