Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
