Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Randomize
