My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
