Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Randomize
