I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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