I got chris browned last night
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
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