That's when you crack a 10am beer
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
