I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
