His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
