i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Ambien. No doubt about it.
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
