omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
