It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Randomize
