No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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