you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
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