too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
