it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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