Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
