yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
