I showed him my bush... on skype.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
