Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize