I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
