Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
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