Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
