Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
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