I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
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