I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
