Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Randomize
