Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
