I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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