my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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