Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
