$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
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