I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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