Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
