White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
