Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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