It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize