you turned your livingroom into a bong?
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize