Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize