Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
