I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
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