I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Randomize
