so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Randomize
