he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
