So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
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