dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize