Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
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