How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Randomize
