just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Randomize
