the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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