i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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