That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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