She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Randomize
