I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Randomize
