you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
