I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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