i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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