go do what you do best...puke behind churches
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
there is glitter all over my balls
Randomize