I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
