my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
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